WALL-E

So I went to a special screening of WALL-E last night. That’s right three days before it hits theaters! I’ll take a second so you can console the jealously of your middle school child.

“How do you have such a hook up?” you may ask. Because I’m people who knows people. Connections! Not the connections that can woo girls, like concert tickets or celebrity meetings, but the kind that gets you into Disney movies early. Baller! This is quite fine with me because I have a girlfriend that is often stuck in adolescence. Ice Cream and Skee Ball still make her smile and that’s alright with me.

Now before you rush to judgment about WALL-E let me give you a little pep talk. It’s alright to like kids movies. I know there is a lot in your nature that makes that hard but its ok. Set down the macho act for a second and let yourself laugh at an animated robot. Because my friend, you WILL laugh.

In all honesty it’s the best movie I’ve seen so far this summer. If you can let the kid in you come out for an hour and a half then you will definitely be entertained. How could you not? It’s a robot in love. And robot love is special and hilarious. Truth.

In true Disney fashion they have worked in a nice little message. Between all the robot love and antics, the film examines how Corporate Overtaking and the Gluttony of America will one day lead to the destruction of our planet and mind. I know…heavy. But it works because it’s true. And if that’s too much to swallow for little Billy or your forever young girlfriend than the adorable robot antics is enough of a candy coating. See this movie!

Sidebar. When seeing movies of this nature you have to have a plan. Make sure you see it late. Like past little Billy’s bedtime late. It’s the only way to fully enjoy it. See you may not have been aware but if you buy your ticket for a showing before 5pm it comes with the kids movie bonus plan. Complete with chair kicking, screaming, wandering down the rows, and a minimum of one outburst or soda spill. Call me minimalistic but I could do without all of that. Enjoy and let me know what you think.

AARP, FNMTV, AND MORE LETTER FUN

That’s when I realized I was in an Elderly Gay Bar! That’s how the story ends.

I’ll let that settle in for a second. Got it? And we’re moving on. The way the story begins is this. The other day I was walking around the city with a friend and stopped for lunch at a little corner bar. I noticed the bartender was a little extra sassy, but who isn’t in Center City. It wasn’t until a couple older gentlemen walked in and the flirting got turned up to 11 that I became suspicious. The clincher was definitely when they asked if my friend and I were married. And that…wait for it…was when I realized I was in an Elderly Gay Bar. A homosexual Boca Raton if you will. This is awesome news. Why shouldn’t there be an Elderly Gay Bar? If we are going to segment everything else in society than we should all get a fair shake. I mean there are way too many bars that cater to the “cover your lack of personality with loud dance music” crowd. Let’s convert a couple of those into comfortably quiet spots with good Chicken Fingers. Your move Nutter.

The other thing that took me by surprise Friday was this FNMTV show on MTV. If you’re ever looking to prove to your doubting friends that you actually DO get seizures and have ADD then this is the show for you! I love music videos, but at the age of 25 I feel like I can handle the full dose. Thank you MTV for your preventative measures but, really I’m cool. To distract you from this point is the laser light spectacular that precedes each video. Wow. Even traffic lights scare me now. Thank you MTV for bringing back videos, you’re half way there. If you dream it you can achieve it!

IT'S EVOLUTION BABY! REALLY?

So I went and saw Pearl Jam at the first of two shows at the Susquehanna Bank Center. It was a great show by Mr. Vedder and company as always, however one of Eddie's rambling monologues rang especially true. He spoke about coming up and playing the "venue ladder" of Philadelphia. First the small bar, then on to The Troc, and The Factory. Now here we are at the SBC with a 10 dollar beer and an Abecrombie reject getting handsy with our girl. Enough!

I think I've been spoiled by these spots throughout my time here. There is just something about the intimacy of The Troc. The connection you feel when you see the lead singer without a video monitor. The lawn of SBC, which by the way apparently enforces a strong 10 drink minimum to visit, makes me long for the sweaty stick of The TLA and Troc. Once you've seen a band there it's impossible to enjoy it on any larger scale. Manifest Destiny? Yes! Absolutely. Believe me I'm not the guy that cries sell out when 13 year olds like my band or they get blared from the speakers of your mom's Honda Odyssey. But it doesn't mean I have to like this. SBC is great for some people and some bands, it's just not the experience I'm used to. This grand production that used to be stripped down and personal.

Speaking of personal. I've been a little slacking in checking my inbox, but I never recieved the memo that The Concert Lawn was an invitation for rape. Come On! You're better than that. I know you're trained as a hunter, and that a drunk vulnerable girl swaying to the music is an easy kill, but have a little self respect. You know who you are Grey T-Shirt Cargo Shorts! Contrary to popular believe, some girls are there to see the band. Take a breath and come up for air. Not every alcoholic encounter is an invitation to "hook up".

Be good and show some respect. I'll meet you at the Balcony Bar.